"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."

Hello All! Happy Sunday! We are still very snowed in here in DC and the greater Maryland/Virginia area. Over the past day, I really thought about what I should write about and what my next topic would be. I thought about writing about farmer’s markets or nutrition, and will hopefully cover those topics in the future, but they didn’t seem to resonate with my heart today.

Today, I thought that I would write about fear and taking chances. As my post yesterday suggested, it is sometimes only when we “lose” everything, and are forced to stare our biggest fears in the face, that changes finally happen in our lives. We finally give ourselves permission to take chances. These chances can be in relationships, careers, academics, or almost any area of one’s life. In reflecting on this idea, I thought that the concepts of fear and chance would be important to address.

As a child, my mother would always poke fun at me for being a worrywart. I possessed so much fear and anxiety about the uncertain future that I constantly did not take chances in life or allow myself to truly excel. For example, as a girl, I was a fantastic figure skater. I loved to skate and quickly mastered every move that I learned with ease. As I continued to grow and excel as a skater, I naturally started to learn more difficult moves. One particular move that I learned was the axel. It’s different from the single jumps in that it requires two rotations in the air before landing (essentially it’s a “double” jump). The first few times that I attempted my axel, I failed miserably, and instead of shaking it off, I started listening to other people talk about how difficult axels were, how dangerous they could be, and how long it took to master them (if I ever could). Instead of believing in myself, and the incredible amount of talent that I knew that I possessed, I allowed myself to get so hung up on what others were saying. The funny thing was, I knew that I could land the axel. I was able to land it both off the ice and on the ice, in the harness. The harness was a device that an instructor would attach to you. The instructor would pull the harness, as you jumped, to give you some support and lift, so that you could effectively land. The funny thing was, my instructor would strap me into the harness, and would not lift me at all. It was only through falsely believing that I was receiving her support, that I could land my jumps.

I wish I could tell you that this story has a happy ending, but it doesn’t. I became so hung-up on not being able to land the axel, and how dangerous it was, that I never did land the axel on my own. In fact, I started to become so fearful of the axel, and hurting myself, that I quit figure skating the summer before high school. Looking back, I don’t regret that I quit figure skating, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I was, however, so paralyzed by fear that I never even really tried. I was so terrified of the unknown that I never really gave myself permission to live and succeed.

I have recently come to realize, we will always experience fear in our lives. Fear is a subconscious mechanism that protects us from harm or hurt. In looking at fear in that light, we come to understand that it’s underlying intentions are good. The problem is when fear prevents us from taking chances and making changes in our lives. I’m not saying that all of the chances we take will lead us to utter bliss, and taking chances can sometimes cause us more pain in the end, but often we never allow ourselves to know the difference. I very recently realized that I don’t want to be afraid of failing and changing anymore. The uncertainty of life will always be there because life is always uncertain. When we understand our fears, often we come to the ironic realization, that we’re usually afraid of actually succeeding and achieving. As has been said before, “it is often our light, not our darkness, that frightens us the most.”

As the wise Bill Cosby said, "decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."

So I ask myself, if my very worst fear came true, how do I win in the end?

"Only After We Lose Everything are We Free to do Anything."

Seasons greetings from the Nation's Capitol! Today, we are currently being pelted with a massive snow storm that is predicted to leave two to three feet on the ground by the time it passes! That's alright with me, I like the snow, and the beauty and happiness that it creates.

After a year of reflection, and after a few inspirational conversations (thanks, Ben), I was inspired to take action and to write this blog. I did want to start off by saying that I do understand that the economy is very bad right now, and I do understand how very real its effects are and how many people are currently suffering because of it. But at the same time, over the past year, I have been blessed to experience many different events that have opened my eyes to what immense opportunities for growth, personally, physically, and emotionally, as well as opportunities for healing, health, and happiness, that have flourished in my life as a result of the bad economy. I thought that I would use this blog as an opportunity to share some of these lessons and experiences with you, so that you might be inspired or motivated to use them in your own life, or to realize the immense opportunities for growth and abundance all around you.

The old saying is very true, "only after we've lost everything are we free to do anything." Growing up, like many other children and teenagers, I was always pressured (and forced) to do what my parents wanted me to do. It was at their insistence that I nearly died in high school from taking all AP classes, while playing two varsity sports during my senior year. Or why I was wildly unhappy (and almost dropped out) during my first year of college as a biology major on the pre-med track (my parents insistence). I spent many and most years of my life doing whatever it was that my parents told me to do, especially when it came to academics and careers. I'm a recovering people-pleaser and self-perfectionist, but that's a story for a different day.

It was only this past year, with the economy having tanked, that this destructive and dysfunctional pattern changed and it happened when I finally really failed at something my parents planned for me to do. Last summer, I applied for all of the jobs that my parents wanted and expected me to apply for, you know, the one's that make a lot of money and that second year law students have traditionally received. But a crazy thing happened...I failed miserably. I learned not to take it personally. I realized that I wasn't hired because I am a bad student, a bad interviewer, or a bad person, but because companies and firms just were not hiring like they used to. But from this experience, the most amazing thing happened, after not receiving any of the jobs that I applied for, I felt as though the pressure and expectations from my parents were off (although my parents were disappointed). For the first time in my life, it felt like total freedom. I finally took some time and asked myself what it was that I really wanted to do in life, and not what other's expected of me. The answer did not shock me. I ended up spending the summer working for a non-profit in DC and had some of the most amazing experiences of my life (as well as having met some of the most amazing people). While I did not get paid for my time, I spent my days attending workshops, rallies, protests, press conferences, hearings on the hill, and as an advocate for a cause that I've always been extremely passionate about.

The lesson that I learned was that being free of the expectations of my family and others, because of the bad economy, allowed me to truly ask myself what it was that I wanted to do for the rest of my life? Did I want to continue to be wildly unhappy on the path that I was on? Did I want to continue to pursue the careers that my parents wanted me to, swallowing all of my feelings and identity along the way? No, not at all. Only through having no career options, was I finally able to be true to myself and pick the path that spoke to my heart. The career that reminded me, day in and day out, of why I went to law school in the first place. I thank God that the economy finally gave me the opportunity to ask myself what it was that I wanted for my life, giving me happiness and a greater sense of self-identity.

Everything happens for a reason, and I'm really thankful that I failed at all of the summer employment opportunities suggested by my parents. The experience didn't leave me fearful. I don't worry that I won't have a job in the future, I only worry about being true to, listening, and following my heart. Once we are truly living from our heart, careers and successes will always follow with ease.

It takes courage to be who you really are.